Why You Can’t Get Yourself to Change

Can you feel the love I’m sending your way? I hope so.

If not, tune in now. It’s flowing right toward you.

This love has no judgment for whether or not you finished your to-do list today.

This love doesn’t care whether you feel productive, lazy, excited, apathetic, or overwhelmed.

This love doesn’t depend on how much you do. Only that you are.

Think of the billions of people on earth at this moment and yet there is only one person with exactly your talents, creativity, stubbornness, style, capacity for joy, and intelligence.

Only one.

You.

And there will never be another.

Do you realize how amazing you are?

Do you have any idea what it took to create you?

Imagine the thousands of people that came before you and the innumerable decisions they had to make in order for you to live the life you have right at this very moment.  

It is so very easy to forget and distance ourselves from these basic truths.

That we are loved.

That we are all uniquely special.

That we are enough, just as we are.

That we are more connected to one another than we will ever realize.

How You Forget

These truths can be hard to trust. Because we make bad decisions. We have difficult experiences. Life is messy. We hurt others. They hurt us. We hurt ourselves.

Over time you may unconsciously choose to turn away from the pain and sink into chronic busyness, emotional eating or compulsive spending. You may numb your feelings through technology, crises, or martyrdom. On some level you have decided you no longer deserve your own love and attention.

You forget the truth of your amazing-ness and that one of your most basic needs is to love yourself and others.

Craving Change

At some point you are triggered to break free from from this self-created prison. The overdoing, overworking, and under-living is exhausting. You feel disconnected from your body, mind, and spirit. In fact, you don’t feel much of anything. What you hadn’t realized is that when you shut out the bad feelings you would shut out the good feelings too.

You start noticing all that you don’t like about your life. How you need to exercise more and eat healthier and not work as much. You berate yourself for the missed opportunities with your family and the french fries at dinner and the lack of organization at work. 

You get angry. You want to life to be different. You make a plan and brace yourself for the discipline it will take to execute. When you steer off course you bully yourself back on course. It works. You are making progress.

But you are holding your breath. Deep down you aren’t sure how long you can sustain the willpower and discipline the plan requires. The process is exhausting. It feels like another prison.

How You Break Free

What I have discovered through my own trial and error (and my amazing clients) is that to create true, long-lasting transformation it is just as important how you change as it is what you change.

Let me explain.

When you’ve disconnected from your essence – from who you truly are – the natural response is to push yourself into a new direction using self-criticism, contempt, and coercion. This strategy will get you to take action – but it doesn’t typically create long-term change. It’s just too exhausting and hasn’t addressed what really needs to happen:

That you remember how to love yourself. 

That you take the time to refuel and reconnect to your mind, body, and spirit.

This means turning back toward yourself with appreciation.

This means treating yourself with kindness.

This means remembering how amazing you are.

This isn’t always easy but it will free you to create the changes your soul is craving. Creating change from a place of love and compassion is a vastly different experience from creating change through fear and manipulation.

Your First Step

There is no need to create massive shifts all at once. In fact it is better if you tip-toe your way into this new approach to life transformation.

The first step to creating lasting change is simple:

Notice your thoughts without judgement.

You don’t need to change them or replace them with positive thoughts or recite affirmations or create a vision board full of flowers and bunnies (unless this works for you).

Just notice your thinking. Notice if you are choosing the path of kindness or condemnation – without judgement. Imagine that you are a totally neutral observer. 

This step alone can take practice. The more thoughts you catch the more impact you will see in your daily life. Keep noticing. Keep remembering how amazing you are.

Feel the love that is flowing your way and start transforming your life today.

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