Resisting Change Isn’t a Problem

Allow me to state the obvious for a moment: 2020 has brought a lot of upheaval and uncertainty.

I’ve watched how myself, my clients, colleagues, and loved ones have traversed the ups and downs of this new life experience and noted another key (and obvious) distinction:

How much energy we spend resisting change depends on whether or not we have a choice.

There are times in our lives when we decide to transition out of a job, a home, a relationship and step into a new experience. It’s challenging and exciting. We learn about ourselves. It’s hard and we grow.

There are other times in life when change occurs without our permission. Without our choice. When a pandemic takes our job and sense of control, when you unexpectedly have to vacate your home, lose a loved one, or life plans fall through in an instant.

This is a whole other level of navigation – when the transition gets decided for us. This is what we call upheaval – when we don’t get a say.

What do we do then?

We transform.

We transform not because we want to or were seeking it but because life is asking us to show up and step up differently.

Transformation occurs when life shifts in a way we didn’t expect or necessarily welcome.

We’re forced to leave our comfort zone and shed behaviors that are no longer useful. Our perspective shifts without us making it shift. We see the world in a new way. A way that wasn’t visible before.

The most common response?

Resistance.

There are often areas of life we seek to create change – we take classes, we practice meditation, read books, listen to others on the same path. This is the fascinating and useful process of transformation on our terms.

But when life tosses a whole bunch of change our way that we didn’t ask for – it’s very easy to resist.

Resisting change looks like digging our heels in. Insisting on sticking to our own comfortable approach. Getting mad at life for not working the way we want it to.

It’s really important to remember that resistance is incredibly normal. Especially when in times like these, we’ve been asked to change so often, in so many ways, over such a short period of time.

Let’s not complicate things further by resisting the resistance.

Instead let yourself be where you are.

Be upset, angry, sad, overwhelmed, defiant, outraged, annoyed, rigid, anxious, distracted, full of self-doubt, forced positivity, or avoidance.

All of this is fair game.

Resistance is part of the process of transformation not an obstacle to it.

Just be where you are. See what shows up next.

Seeing the nature of resistance can shift our experience of the resistance itself.

We no longer have to buy into the fear behind it: that we can’t handle what’s next.

Just because you don’t want to do what’s being asked of you doesn’t mean you can’t.

You can handle what’s coming.

Even if you don’t know what that is. Even if you are actively resisting change.

Stay open. Let yourself be where you are. And others too. Look beyond your resistance and see what possibilities live there. This is your solid ground.

This is where true choice lives.

What are your thoughts? Ideas on embracing your resistance? Questions? Be sure to join our community Facebook group here or comment below.

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